What is assertiveness?
and how it can benefit you
Being assertive while following a natural, holistic lifestyle means striking a balance in your approach to life. By prioritizing your mental health and self-esteem through a balanced mindset, you can assert yourself confidently and effectively. This involves taking care of both your physical and emotional well-being by embracing practices that support overall health and harmony. By nurturing a holistic lifestyle and embracing the calming benefits of nature, you can cultivate the inner strength and resilience needed to assert yourself in a positive and empowering way.
Assertiveness is not just developed by learning verbal phrasing and body posture but by building a strong, self-driven mindset as a foundation skill. How can you convince someone else that you are worthy of respect, value and someone to be taken seriously if you don’t first believe in yourself and your skills? The other aspect is understanding that you are following a long-term lifestyle commitment not just a quick skill to be picked up half-heartedly. Your results will be based on what effort you put into learning a new mindset and inter-relational skills.
What actually is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for your own (or other people’s rights) in a calm and positive way, without being either aggressive, or passively accepting being told that you are ‘wrong’. It is about honestly expressing your opinions, feelings, attitudes, and rights, without causing anxiety, in a way that doesn’t infringe on the rights of others. Assertiveness is about learning to be respectful and fair, considering each others’ feelings, thoughts and opinions when making a verbal exchange. It is not aggressiveness, it’s a middle ground between being a bully and a doormat.
How can assertiveness benefit me?
There are lots of benefits to being more assertive. Increased social and work confidence, reduced anxiety, increased external and self-respect, greater drive and determination, greater life path momentum and goal setting (career growth). Having a belief that your feelings, opinions and value are valid without needing to be fed from an external source. Feeling personal strength against bullies, unfair criticism and believing you can hold your own in an argument. Having a sense of authenticity and freedom in your interests and life path. So its all quite good for you!
The assertive mindset
There are many parts to building a strong core mindset foundation:-
Self-MASTERY - I control
The skill that encompasses all the self beliefs below. You can control yourself, manage your needs and wellbeing. You can balance your emotions and defend your energy. You know when to take action and when to resist or hold back. You balance your needs and wellbeing with those of others. You have a sense of who you are and that you are a valuable and a growing person, who makes mistakes but also makes wins too. You know that you can always strive to be better and that’s okay. You are enough.
Read more…Self-assurance - I can or could
The belief that you have the ability to achieve success in something with a skill you possess already or could learn. Read more…
Self-approval (esteem) - I am
The belief that you are a worthy and valuable person. Belief in your rights as an individual which you follow and allow with others, that guide your behaviour. Read more…
Self-confidence - I am valuable
Both of the above two combined! The belief that you can achieve success and that you deserve it. Feeling brave, courageous and being able to tackle difficult tasks even without previous experience and deal appropriately with criticism and failure. Read more…
Self-respect - i deserve
The belief that you are a valuable person, who deserves to be treated with care, consideration, respect and value. Read more…
Self-authority - i am allowed
The belief that you can decide what you should do or can do, without looking for others to agree or give permission.
Self-validation - i believe
The belief that your views hold value without the agreement or support of others (or against active opposition).
Self-sufficiency - i Provide
The ability to, and expectation that, you will manage yourself in order to be able to be responsible for, and fulfill, your needs and well-being (this can be your finances, a home, diet, exercise, emotional balance, mental health or facing life challenges). You learn the skills that you need and use other ‘self’ skills to manage your life independently. You may need support from others from time to time but it’s not your main source of reliance. Read more…
Self-efficacy - i adapt
The belief that you know what to do to handle most situations. You have self-confidence in yourself and a toolbox of growing skills to fall back on. You adapt to each situation. Read more…
Self-awareness - i reflect
The skill to look inward at your thoughts and behaviour, with an objective, fair eye. You can learn to grow and change to be a better person and have the confidence to apologise to others for wrong-doings if needs be. To be aware of your weaknesses and fears and to work on overcoming them.
Self-discipline - i resist
The skill to hold back, and resist taking action, or falling to temptation, subject a moral code, consequence or goal. Read more…
self-compassion - i care and forgive
An important skill that narcissistic mindsets lack. The skill to care, value and love yourself without conditions or expectations. To care for yourself without the need to achieve high to deserve worth. The skill to forgive yourself for mistakes and for not being perfect at all times. To not criticise yourself and to not look for your worth from how others value you.
self-motivation - i drive forward
Everyone needs to be able to drive themselves into action without the push from another person. Self-motivation is about being able to plan, manage and execute actions into progress and growth forward.
self-POSiTIVITY - i ENERGISE
The ability to adopt an optimistic, productive or problem-solving attitude despite external events, especially those that are challenging. It’s not about being constantly happy but transforming or re-framing negative events, or the lack of positive events, into learning or growth. Self-positivity also encompasses your ability to inject joy and energy into your life without the need to be entertained constantly by compliments, attention, new exciting things or positive events. It’s also about avoiding looking for negatives or complaints in every situation.
Growth Mindset
Failure is not a condemnation that floors your self-confidence but a learning process. Belief that you can build new skills and can grow by learning from failure and adapting behaviour to achieve eventual success using grit and persistence.
Emotional resilience
This is one of the core skills in dealing with aggression, manipulation and bullying. It is learning self-mastery of your own emotions. Part of this skill is learning to gain validation for your self-worth and self-approval from your own opinions not from others judgement or guidance. To not be over reactive to criticism by developing inner confidence.
Mental resilience
Another core skill is to be able to think through events, thoughts and feelings in order not to react strongly and quickly without thought to external cues and potential repercussions. To stop pause and think, to be calm and not succumb to strong emotions (non-reaction) but to express and process them as they arise. To be able to support your mental thought processes, especially when challenged, with affirmations and a positive mindset.
persistence & perseverance
This is part of a growth mindset that is essential if you are going to learn to be more assertive. Often people fight back against someone trying to be more assertive when they’ve noticed when someone has stopped reacting their manipulative prompts. Another reaction from others is to be indignant when they perceive, or try to make out, that your assertiveness is rudeness when it is actually a legitimate objection. They may simply react to perceived competition from you when they feel they’re being overridden, overtaken or challenged. Sticking to the path despite challenges or objections is a core skill.
assertiveness skills & techniques
These are the final part which involve how you speak, what you say, how you react and how you hold yourself. This is the icing on the cake and the part that people notice and react to. Your mindset is yours to own and the compass for your life.
If you want to know more about how you can embrace personal development and learn to be more assertive in mindset and verbal skills, then click below.