all ABOUT ME…

I have always been fascinated by other people and how they interact. Why people become who they are, think like they do and what drives them to behave as they choose to do. Growing up as a shy only child, I found people’s manipulating and often irrational behaviour was confusing to navigate and understand.

I always believed that people were from polarised ends of the spectrum, aggressive or passive. People fell into these two categories in varying degrees, unconsciously attracted to their polar opposite. Bullies to victims, who they know are weak, controllable and who they can drain energy from. Victims to bullies, who receive a feeling of strength and shelter, albeit an unstable one. I personally tried to avoid being a bully but objected to being pushed around and made into a victim too. Some people though seemed to hold a power, to resist being controlled yet not be a bully. What was this secret that some people had? Then I discovered assertiveness.

When I first researched finding personal assertiveness training I naturally trawled the internet for any information. I found many great books but formal training seemed to be business orientated to help me deal with interviews and board presentations. They also often involved traveling down to a far away city, to meet a bunch of strangers and pay a premium for the privilege. Not what your average passive introvert feels confident doing! The courses also seemed to promise providing me with all the information over a day or so. Was I expected to learn this overnight? Surely I’d need support to slowly build my skills over time. What were the stepping stones? All sounded a little bit overwhelming and achievable.

Many courses and sources of information I did find, gave vague descriptions such as ‘assert your boundaries’… I wanted to know actually how is this done. I didn’t want to learn how to close a business deal, I wanted a practical solution that would help me deal with my everyday life. How to stand up for myself, gain respect and deal confidently with awkward situations with my friends, partners, family, my work colleagues and the general populous at large. I decided to compile together the best information that I found helpful and pass it onto others.