#5 Top Assertive Dating Safety Tips
The dating game has changed in recent times. Many people look to online sites now to discover potential partners. Where as earlier in time someone would date a friend or relative of a friend or even someone that they know within their social group, that they know the background of. Now more people are dating strangers who they have only briefly interacted with online. There’s no knowing their previous history of behaviour or even their true background except what they tell you. Assertiveness is key to keeping safe when meeting up with someone you don’t really know especially if you are female but people in general still need to be cautious.
There can be many pitfalls in dating especially if you are shy, unused to holding your ground or prefer to be a people pleaser. Assertive safety tips to follow can be:-
Safety tip #1
Don’t be afraid to ask questions about them and politely inquire about any inconsistencies. It’s easy to get photos and portray information online about a supposed lifestyle. Asking questions can weed out those who are enhancing or faking their life situation (such as already being being married!). Use your assertiveness skills to be careful that you aren’t pushed into revealing any information that you feel uncomfortable giving out or that would compromise your privacy (such as address, where you work etc.)
Safety tip #2
Arrange to meet up for a coffee as a first meeting in an open public place. This way you can easily leave if you feel uneasy and there’s help nearby. There’s also no feeling of owing someone back for ‘treating you’ to a meal or alcohol. You also gauge your gut feeling while asking them questions about their life and circumstances as you’ll have a chance to chat (unlike say in the cinema). Use assertiveness to exit the date or shut down any offers to move on to another activity or venue (such as their flat or house) if you don’t want to push things forward just yet.
Safety tip #3
You don’t ‘owe’ anyone any sexual favours because they bought you a drink or dinner. Even if they become angry, cool and sulky or try to point out how you owe them. Offering to pay halves or buy back a round of drinks to keep things on an even keel can be a good plan. If you don’t want to do that you can insist on simply paying your way. If they insist on paying for you that’s on them and you don’t owe anything should they bring that back to you later. Alternately use assertiveness to confront those that insist that you pay because they are being ‘modern’ or if they say they don’t earn as much as you. If that is the case then point out that if you date again you’ll go somewhere they can afford, meanwhile you’ll go halves this time thanks.
Safety tip #4
Don’t feel the need to prove yourself as good enough to someone. Sending explicit photos of yourself or engaging in sexual activity will not win you any points. If anything this type of behaviour will yes gain you attention but only for a short while before you are devalued and dropped, leaving you embarrassed, ashamed and looking for more validation for your damaged confidence. If they are worthy of you, they will wait till things naturally progress. If they dump you, threaten or insinuate that they will because you won’t comply then they are not for you and it would be best to move on. Stay strong and be assertive. Your value is decided by you, not by your date. Remember you are assessing them too for suitability and value. Do not be pushed into drinking alcohol (or pushing your limits) or accepting an unattended drink that has been bought for you.
Safety tip #5
Look confident, smile, make eye contact (don’t stare though or give bedroom eyes - not unless you want to!) and show that you have confidence in yourself and have self-respect. Use upright open postures and relaxed gesturing. You want to give the impression that you are open and friendly (but not desperate) and not to be messed about with or pushed around. Show that any disrespect towards you will be nor be accepted. People respect other people that firstly respect themselves. Use assertiveness skills to not come across as a victim. Make sure someone knows where you are and who with. If circumstances change, be strong and openly give information to a third party. Do not be swayed by any arguments about ‘not needing to because you’re a grown up’.
Finally have fun dating and stay safe! If you would like to know more about being more assertive click the link below for details on my assertiveness guide.